dear God, it’s me, the dog
Dear God: is it on purpose that our names are spelled the same, only in reverse?
Dear God: why do humans smell the flowers but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
Dear God : when we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? or will it be the same old story?
Dear God : why are there cars named after the jaguar, the stingray, and the rabbit, but no ONE named for a Dog?
how often do you see a cougar ridinf around? we love a nice car ride! would it be so hard to rename the ‘chrysler eagle’ the ‘ chrysler beagle?
Dear God : if a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God : we dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals,.whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic energy fields and frisbee flight paths. what do humans understand?
Dear God : more meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God : are there mailmen in heaven? if there are, will i have to apologize?
Dear God : here is a list of just some of the things i must remember to be a good dog :
1. i will not eat the cats’s food before he eats it
2. i will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc…, just bcz i like the way they smell
3. the litter box is not a cookies jar.
4. the sofa is not a ‘ face towel’
5. the garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. i will not play tug-of-war with dad’s underwear when he ‘s on the toilet.
7. sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is an unacceptable way of saying ‘ hello ‘ .
8. i don’t need to suddenly stand straight up when i’m under the coffee table.
9. i must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house not after.
10. i will not come in from outside, and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
11. i will not sit in the middle of the living room, and lick my crotch.
12. the cat is not a ‘squeaky toy’, so when i play with him and he makes that noise, it’s usually not a good thing.
P.S. Dear God : when i get to Heaven, may i have my testicles back?